Yesterday's Little Boy

Trucks, trains, balls, his favorite toy,

The floor of the room of a little boy.

Rocks in the pocket, dirt and worms too,

“Look mom, I picked a flower for you!”

Crayon creations decorated the bedroom wall

Tiny feet running down the hall.

But that was yesterday

Bikes, games, school and a favorite friend,

Colored pictures came to an end.

Books in the backpack, tears in my eyes,

“Bye mom, I’m going out with the guys!”

Posters of motorcycles, sports teams and such,

Tiny feet running?  Not so much.

But that was yesterday

Cars, computers, jobs and his favorite girl,

No toys or posters in his world.

Money in the wallet, places to go,

“I joined the Army mom, like G.I. Joe!”

The vacant room, a barren wall and an empty bed,

So many things were left unsaid.

Was it only yesterday?

Personal Narrative aka "ABOUT ME"

My first assignment for English Comp II was to write a personal narrative introducing "all about" me to the other students.  I think, for a college paper, it is pretty descriptive and I have decided to share it with you!

          My name is Colleen and my nickname is CAS.  I’ll answer to either of those or anything else as long as it is polite.  I consider myself a blessed woman.  I have a large and amazing family, I attend a great school and I work at both a full-time and part-time job.  I enjoy writing (poetry, commentaries, and short stories) as well as being an active member of my church.  I have friends, responsibilities, and expectations.  There is no easy (or short) way to tell you about me, and I am long-winded anyway, so sit back, relax and enjoy.    

I have an incredibly large family.  I am a wife; married seven and a half years to a wonderful man whom I call “Bear”.  I have three beautiful children from my first marriage; my 17 year old (my baby) is currently a junior in high school, my 19 year old daughter is a sophomore in college, and my eldest daughter is 24 years old, happily married and mother to my amazing little two-year-old granddaughter, lovingly referred to as “Monkee”.  My marriage also brought me three more great children: a 31 year old step-son, a 28-year old stepdaughter (who is married and mother to my equally adorable four-year-old granddaughter and two-year-old grandson) and a 16-year old stepdaughter who is a sophomore in high school.  In addition to my immediate family, my extended family includes four sisters, three brothers, two sets of parents (as my parents divorced and each remarried), siblings-in-law and almost 30 nieces and nephews.  This does not even go in to cousins, aunts and uncles. I have a lot of those as well.  I love my family and consider them an essential part of who I am.

I married my first husband in 1988, just before high school graduation.  Being that young, married, and my first child born a year and a half later, there was really only the opportunity for one of us to go to college.  I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom anyway, so I took a part-time job and encouraged my husband to go to college.  Ten years and three children later, my (then) husband decided he was not quite ready to be a husband and father (his words, not mine) so we divorced.  I started working full-time two days after he asked for the divorce and I have been working ever since.

As of today, I have been employed with my current employer (local city government) for almost 13 years.  Moving my way up through the company, working in different clerical/administrative positions for several different departments.  I began working as the Restitution Clerk in the Probation Office, a division of Municipal Court, in March 2001.  In April 2006 I applied for a promotion, interviewed and was hired as Secretary to the Supervisor of Park and Recreation, Park Maintenance and Forestry division.  I again applied for, interviewed and was promoted to Account Clerk III in Environmental Health in 2010.  The first two positions were located at City Hall but this third position was located off-site.  I liked the job but did not like the location, when the same position became available in another department back at City Hall, I applied for a transfer, interviewed and was granted the lateral move in April 2012.  I have been with the Fire Department ever since.  All of the jobs entailed the same basic clerical work I was familiar with, but each job also required more extensive and complex duties.  I love to learn, therefore this became the best part of the job for me.

In 2004 I met the wonderful man who taught me to love again.  We married in August 2006 with all our children and a lot of family present.  A few months after we married, I also became the part-time secretary for his company (which he co-owns).  I basically work only on Saturdays; processing the weekly deposit, pulling tickets, paying bills and issuing payroll.  I also do the filing, file taxes, and insure the accountants have all the necessary documents to maintain our financial records as well as take care of the more detailed taxes.  It is a small business and it has been a struggle to stay ‘afloat’ over the last several years, but we work hard and we are getting busier every day.

As I am sure you have already noted, I am a non-traditional student.  My husband is 15 years older than I am which obviously means he will be retiring quite some time before I do.  Because I did not go to college, I have basically “hit the ceiling” with my current employer.  I do not plan on retiring for at least 20 – 25 years, so my husband encouraged me to look into going to college.  I started taking classes during the summer of 2012 and have been taking a few classes each semester ever since.  By obtaining my degree I will be qualified to apply and interview for jobs that would be more in-line with my areas of interest.  The positions I am interested in (Administrative Aide, Administrative Assistant, etc) would also be considered promotions.  My ideal ‘dream’ job is as an executive secretary, best represented by Della Street, Perry Mason’s indispensable assistant.  I am only a sophomore so it will be quite some time before I have the degree, but I have a goal and I will achieve it in due time.

Until recently, I had not been able to determine what degree I wanted to pursue.  Recently, however, I looked at several factors to help me decide.  These include my ‘dream’ job (and the requirements for it), what I believe I am good at (scheduling, organizing, proofreading, editing, etc), and what I like to do (reading and writing) and I have decided I will be changing to a Speech major.  My two favorite passions (outside of my family) are reading and writing.  I don’t have a lot of time for either, but when I do, I choose mysteries for reading and for writing, whatever I am in the mood for.  I have been writing for as long as I can remember; poetry, commentaries, short stories, and even personal letters.  I have a blog where I post my writings and it is popular with my friends and family.  If that is as far as it goes, I am satisfied because I write for the pure pleasure of it.

Most of my writings somehow involve my faith.  I am an active member of my church.  Of all the things I am: wife, mother, Nana, sister, daughter, employee, student, friend, and writer, I am nothing without my faith.  Prior to getting married, before I applied for and/or accepted each job and before I started school - I sought direction through prayer.  My family prayed with me and for me, as did my friends and my fellow church members.  Anything I accomplish in life is not through my own efforts but through the overwhelming presence of Christ in me.  I decided a long time ago, that my attitude is my choice.  My circumstances are comprised of hills and valleys; my God is the same whether I am up or down.  My friends, family, co-workers and even strangers recognize me as the “fabulous lady”.  If you ask me how I am, I will always respond “fabulous!"  My faith, my family, my friends, my career, my education, and my attitude are all choices I have made and those things are all combined together to make up me, CAS.

Delight in the Lord

After being a Christian for most of my life, I’m still amazed at how God continues to surprise me.

I have received so much evidence of his existence: answered prayers, comfort for grieving, healing for sickness, miracles that have no other explanation, forgiveness for my sins, a husband who loves and supports me even when I don’t deserve it, my children, my grandchildren, the sunrise every morning and the sunset every evening.  Evidence is all around me, I know him and I trust him, yet I can still be shocked by God.  I have been busy with work, family and finals.  I studied hard and up to this point have a 4.0 GPA in college, receiving  an “A” in all classes (I completed my fifth, sixth & seventh classes this week).  However, this semester in my Intermediate Algebra class, the grade prior to the final was a “C”.   I was disappointed that I would probably lose my 4.0 which I have worked so hard for.  Not the end of the world, but disappointing none-the-less.  I never thought I would do well enough on the final to bring my low “C” to an “A”, so I didn’t even pray for it.  (Me!  The constant advocate of “You do not have because you do not ask…”)  I simply and earnestly prayed (OK, maybe ‘begged’ is more accurate); “God, please help me pass my final and my class!”  After several days of intense study, God, in his infinite wisdom, knew my heart and my heart’s desire and granted it to me.  Even after I thought it was impossible, God reminded me that through Christ, all things are possible!  The grades were posted last night and my low “C” went to a low “A” at 90.55%...but it’s an “A” and I keep my 4.0 GPA!  This is an answered prayer I never prayed, but God knew!

This whole thing may sound silly and unimportant, but oftentimes God chooses the minor things to remind us of his presence in a major way.  He reminded me last night and I am so thankful that he does might things like saving lives and healing the sick, but I’m also so blessed because he cares about a busy wife, mom, nana, two-job holding, Christ-following woman who strives to do her best.  Thank you Jesus for taking notice of the desires of my heart.  It is yours and always will be.

PLEASE, if you do not yet know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, comment on this post, email me, call me but contact me.  I would love to tell you more!

Still stressed, but infinitely more blessed – praying the same for you.

CAS

Real Love

Love comes from our Creator who sent his Son to show us what real love is. Without Jesus it is impossible to really know love. I’ve been focusing on John 13:34

“A new command I give you. Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

Have you ever thought about the magnitude of this command? We are told to love like JESUS; the One who gave up Heaven to live as a man and die as a sinner for us (me, you, all of us). That is a daunting task to even the most saintly person. But Jesus would not have told us to do it if it were impossible, would He? So, I intend to take the challenge and "love like Jesus"! On this Valentine’s Day, it doesn't matter if you are in a struggling relationship, happily single, blissfully in love, or somewhere in between, know that you are loved so much that the One True God took on flesh and died for you. That is Love! Because of Who He is, He is alive again and we who believe in Him will see Him. Don’t believe me? You don’t have to. Read it for yourself. It’s the greatest (and truest) love story ever told. The Holy Bible.

More blessed, less stressed.

Family

Once upon a time, families consisted of a mom, a dad, and 2 or 3 kids (on average) along with a pet or two. A “step” parent only entered the picture if the birth parent was deceased or, on rare occasions, there was a divorce. The family of the 21st Century is vastly different than that of previous generations. The “once upon a time” families still exist, but they are generally in the minority. Today, ‘family’ has different definitions depending on whom you speak with. Family is a couple without children, a single person with one or more children, grandparents raising their children’s children, family may be an unmarried couple raising their children, a ‘blended’ family joining siblings from other families (giving these children siblings, step-siblings and/or half-siblings). In today’s world family can even consist of a same-sex-couple raising children by benefit of adoption, surrogate or agreement. Today’s post is not about how a family should or should not be defined. (If you really want my opinion, read the Bible.) It is about something so much more important.

Our fast-paced world has transferred its focus. In years gone by, people went to work during the week to provide for the home and family. Evenings the family sat around the table, held hands to say grace and enjoyed a meal together, discussing their day. Saturdays were spent at home or in the neighborhood, hanging out, running errands or visiting. Sundays were spent at church and gathering with family. A rare night out for dinner or a movie was looked forward to as a special occasion. Mom and dad always knew where the kids were, who they were hanging out with and when they would be home (without the necessity of individual phones for each family member). In today’s drive-thru world many families don’t sit down to share a meal even once a week! Family members spend so much of their time and effort pursuing their own interests; dance/singing/swim class, sports, hobbies, video games, (you get the picture) families rarely see each other at all. People are earning more than ever, but it is no longer enough to “provide for the family”, it is to buy more computers, smart phones, video game systems, flat screen TV’s, bigger this and better than (usually on credit). Today’s children are basically raising themselves and our society indicates it is socially acceptable, even expected. Parents are letting technology ‘babysit’ and everyone is doing their own thing. There is something wrong with this picture!! I believe there is a significant element missing in today’s family.

F - FATHER
A - ABBA
M - MAJESTY
I - I AM
L - LORD
Y - YAHWEH

We have replaced our Creator with our own creations. Computers, tablets, smart phones, digital games, music players, TV’s, etc. These things aren’t evil, they are just things. Sports, video games, hobbies, lessons, etc. These are not evil pursuits. However, we have turned these ‘things’ and ‘pursuits’ into idols and Satan is using them to separate us. One of my favorite quotes is by the late Adrian Rogers: “If the devil can’t make you bad he’ll make you busy”. That is today’s culture in a nutshell. I have a radical idea. Let’s take our families back! We can keep our technology and we can pursue our interests, but in moderation. Let’s go back to working to provide for our families and spending time with each other – instead of spending time working to buy more things to replace our families and our God. What do you think?

As always, I’m more blessed than stressed and praying the same for you,

Blessed, but Still Stressed

Many times I am asked how I can be both blessed and stressed, and why do I say “still stressed” instead of emphasizing the ‘blessed’ part. As a Christian, should I even admit to being stressed? Well, I am stressed.

I have a full-time job and a part-time job. I am a college student. I am a wife, mom, Nana, sister, friend, and a plethora of other things too. These different definitions of who I am have expectations of me. Laundry, cooking, supervising children, maintaining home schedules, commuting to and from work, doctor appointments, transporting children to activities, occasionally babysitting my grandchildren, working, paying bills, attending church, studying, taking tests, researching, filing, paperwork, and on and on.

There are also things I want to do:  I enjoy reading, playing brain-games (Scrabble, Boggle, trivia, Sudoku  etc), I dream of getting a good night’s sleep, I am trying to get healthier/lose weight, I love watching crime dramas and other shows, I like attending plays or going to the movies, I would like to spend time with my friends, visit family, organize my home, go for walks, and learn new things.

Each of these requires time and effort on my part.  Over the years I have read various blogs, articles, books and magazines on time management and organization.  Guess what?  Like most people, reading a small snippet about it is all the time I can spare.  I do the best I can but often fall short of the goals I have set for myself. 

That isn't what causes me stress.  Trying to decide what should take priority at what time and how urgently they should be done. That’s where the stress comes in. In a given day I will have worked for 8+ hours, studied for school, made dinner, checked on the kids’ homework, read a devotional, prayed, hopefully worked out, made phone calls, balanced a checkbook, paid a few bills, reviewed upcoming plans for the kids, checked on my grand-kids, and a multitude of other things on an ever expanding list.  I get a lot of stuff done, but I often don’t feel like I've accomplished much because I have to do much of it again the next day. 

BUT…

I am amazingly blessed.  First and foremost, I am a child of God.  I am a Christ Follower.  I woke up this morning so I could go to work.  I have jobs that enable me to earn money to help pay bills.  I have a reliable vehicle (which I love!) to get me to and from my jobs.  I am able to attend college and increase my knowledge.  I have a house to shelter me, filled with love it is also my home.  I have indoor plumbing and climate control.  I have a comfortable bed to sleep in and a husband to hold me tight.  I have children who need me and want me around (most of the time).  I have grandchildren to spoil.  I have clothes to wear & I have money in the bank.  I have my parents, siblings and other extended family whom I love.  I have friends.  I have a church home and a wonderful Sunday School class to attend.  I have a gift for writing poetry and a blog that some people actually read!  I have my eyesight (with the assistance of contacts) to see flowers blooming and my grandchildren playing.  I have my hearing so I am able to listen to my children laughing and get lost in the sound of music.  I can smell the rain and freshly baked bread.  I am able to taste fresh coffee and enjoy a homemade meal.  I can feel my husband’s arms wrapped around me in a loving embrace.

When I say I am amazingly blessed, it is an understatement.  I do not take my life for granted.  I do not take being a redeemed, forgiven sinner lightly.  I am in awe of what our God can do in the life of a woman who has fallen more times than she can count.  I do not pick myself back up, but by reaching up to the loving arms of my Savior I am pulled up every time.

SO…

How can I be both blessed and stressed?  Easy.  I am a fallen, sinful human (stressed) saved by grace and love (blessed).  Why is my title “Blessed but Still Stressed” instead of “Stressed but Still Blessed”?  Because my blessings always come first.  That is what I want to focus on, my blessings are what strengthen me to get through the stresses.

Today, may God bless you, encourage you and lift you back up no matter how many times you've fallen.  If you’re stressed, remember, in many ways you are also blessed.

Pieces & Parts

Teachable Moment – A One Act Play

Scene: laundry room
Mercy Me’s “I Can Only Imagine” plays in the background
A mom is humming to the song while she is ironing
Teenage son walks in, dejected look upon his face

Mom: Hi son, what’s up?
Son: Not much mom. sigh Are my dress shirt and good jeans clean? Jane says I need to take her someplace nice tonight since I forgot her birthday last week.
Mom: Your jeans are about to go in the washer and I’m ironing your shirt now. holds up a mostly ironed and partially wrinkled shirt They’ll both be ready in time for your date. But really, what’s up? You look a bit upset.
Son: rambling I keep trying and I keep failing. I don’t mean to do it, I just do. I mean, I try to do better and not do it, but then it happens. I just wonder if it’s worth it mom. I just don’t know.
Mom: Don’t mean to do what? Is what worth it? You aren’t making any sense.
Son: frustrated sigh Trying to be ‘good’, do the ‘right thing’. It seems the harder I try the more I mess up. I didn’t mean to forget my homework, I got busy with work and stuff. I know I broke curfew last night, it was stupid. I borrowed my friend’s favorite jacket the other day and it got torn. I wasn’t paying attention and I broke dad’s favorite mug. I just keep messing up.
Mom: hanging up the ironed shirt We all make mistakes, big ones and little ones. That doesn’t mean we should stop trying to do the right thing. Paul says in Romans 7: “ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” It is our sinful/human nature to do the things we shouldn’t, but we have forgiveness from God. If we repent and are truly sorry for what we have done wrong, God will forgive us.
Son: But I’m just going to mess up again, so why bother? I really am sorry when I mess up and I apologize, pray, ask forgiveness, but it’s just a huge circle I keep repeating. Am I making a difference? Do I change anything? No, I just keeping doing it. It doesn’t seem to do any good or make any sense. I just don’t know if I should even try. I’m just wasting my time and God’s too.
Mom: Nothing done for God is a waste of time. None of us are perfect, not even your dear old mom. Besides, does that mean if you’re just going to get hungry again, I shouldn’t feed you?
Son: Mom! That’s not the same thing. My body requires food and drink and air to survive. I know no one is perfect, but sometimes I feel like the least perfect. I don’t murder or anything but I still don’t do what I should do. I just think I should give up trying if I know I’m going to fail.
Mom: I hadn’t thought about it that way before. Hmmm, maybe that is for the best.
son looks up at mom, eyes wide
Mom: In that case, here.
mom balls up the freshly ironed shirt and tosses it to her son, reaches into the dirty laundry to pick up the jeans and tosses them to him as well
Son: What are you doing? I can’t wear the shirt like this and the jeans aren’t clean yet!
Mom: Well, you’re just going to wear the shirt and get it wrinkled again aren’t you? You’re just going to wear the jeans and get them dirty again aren’t you? Why should I wash them or iron them? Wouldn’t that be a waste of time?

Son: That’s different!
Mom: Really? How? When you wear your clothes, you try to keep them clean and you try to keep them unwrinkled, but wrinkled and dirty may still happen. Remember 1 John 1:9; “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” The Bible also tells us to continuously forgive others, sometimes we forget that we need to forgive ourselves too. We should turn from evil and seek to do good. Yes, we are going to mess up and yes we are going to sin. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to do what is right and what the Lord requires of us “To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God”.
Son: sheepishly Got it mom. Thanks for the Sunday School sermon. I guess I’m not too old to re-learn a lesson. You’re right, I forgot: “As far as the east is from the west” right?
mom and son hug
Son: Ummm, you think you could iron this again and go ahead and wash these? 
Mom: laughing Sure, you got it!

There are ‘teachable moments’ in everyday activities. We can bless ourselves as we seek to encourage others. I pray this day sees you with more blesses than stresses.

In His love,

Say What?!

Have you ever had that feeling? You know. The one that MUST BE from God because you feel it SO strongly.  For me, that feeling is the role of stay-at-home mom.

I’m not talking “wouldn’t it be nice” or “if it’s possible, I want to…”.  No, I was SURE deep inside that I was meant to be a stay-at-home wife and mother.  Yep, my role models were Donna Reed, Jane Wyatt and Barbara Billingsley.  (Yes, some of you youngsters will have to Google those names.)

Picture it: shirt dress, pearls, low heels, perfectly applied makeup, spotless home and a happy husband. I wanted to keep a clean home, have freshly baked cookies waiting for the kids when they returned from school, help with homework, spend quality time with them and teach them life lessons as well as always having dinner ready when my husband walked in the door. (Yes, I am laughing now.)

My yearning to be a housewife, domestic diva, matriarch of the mansion, etc has been with me for as long as I can remember. Although I started working full-time the day after I graduated high school, I was able to live part of my dream for a few short years right before my middle child was born until 3 years later when my youngest was 10 months old. The spotless home never happened. The shirt dress, heels and pearls? Uh, no. But you get the picture. Then, shortly after my third child was born, my husband left, so I did not have a choice but to start working again. Over the years, that feeling has never gone away; if anything it has only intensified. I kept thinking I would again be a stay-at-home mom, someday.  I just needed to wait for God’s perfect timing. Over 6 years ago I remarried, and I remember thinking it would happen then; after all, someone else could provide for my children and I.

Is it not funny how we replace God’s will in our lives with what WE want in our lives? I wanted this so much, I was certain it was God’s desire for me as well. In general, I am pretty discerning. Except, it seems, when it deals directly with me. Others? Definitely. Probably because I am a third party and not directly vested. However, when it comes to myself… Not so much.

Earlier this year I decided it was time for a heart-to-heart talk with God. Not just ‘prayer time’, this was going to be a serious conversation. I wanted answers. . It went something like this:

Me: Lord, um, I think you forgot something.
Lord: Really? What?
Me: Hello? Me. I am still working. Not just a little, I have a full-time and a part-time job. I can’t get much further ahead at work since I do not have a college degree. I think maybe this is a sign to go ahead with the plans.
Lord: A sign? What sign? Plans?
Me: laughing Yes, remember? More than half a lifetime ago, You put a desire in my heart tobe a stay-at-home mom. I’ve waited and I’ve trusted you. Now it’s Your turn.  So… Go ahead.
Lord: My turn?
Me: confused, not laughing anymore  Um, yes? Please?
Lord: My child, listen to Me. You accepted Me decades ago, including My will for you. I have been with you every step of the way, even those times you turned away and thought I left. If being a stay-at-home wife/mom had been My plan for you, it would have happened. Look at your life: your children are almost all grown up, you have grandchildren now.  laughing You spend more money than your husband can afford, but that is ok, it is one of the reasons you work too. I have other plans for your life. Plans like finally attending college and the blog you write to share My work in your life.
Me: But… I thought… I felt…. Are you sure?
Lord: My precious, precious daughter. As you have trusted Me with the things in your life; your husband, your children, your home, your friends – trust Me also with your life. I promise you, I know what I am doing.

It was not the conversation I had envisioned. Not even a little. It did not go at all as I had planned. I felt bitter towards God for a while, a long while.  Then I forgave. Not God, nothing to forgive, (He is God after all) but I forgave myself. It was necessary for me to let go of the fact I had been putting my hopes, dreams and desires in place of God’s will. If I had actually asked God, I’m sure He would have let me know earlier! Instead, I took what I felt to be from God because of how strongly I felt them. Feelings are no replacement for seeking Him. I may not be living the life I intended, but I am living the life God intends. That alone makes my stressed life, my blessed life.

Blessings to you.

Beautiful

Is the Word of God something I trust in? When I read the Bible, do I believe what it says? Yes I do. Wait, I meant YES, I DO!!! Then why do I have trouble thinking some verses don’t apply to me?

Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life”

(I worry with the best of them!)

Philippians 4:19 “..my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus”

(So why do I work so hard to provide what I think I need?)

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

(Rest? Me? I don’t have time to rest.)

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

(I’m pretty good with the first half of the verse, but I tend to lean a bit too heavily on my own understanding…)

But this next one? Ugh, how could it apply to me?
Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Me? Wonderfully made? Hello! I’m wrinkled, 5’1 ½” (on a good day), freckled, weigh over 200 pounds, have fine and purple hair (ok, I did the purple to myself!). I’m not graceful by any means and my IQ prevents me from being considered a nerd. So um, yeah, how does this verse apply to me?

For years, my comments generally sounded something like this: “Don’t take a picture, I’d break the camera lens.” “When I back up, I should beep.” “Participate in sports? Not me, I’m a klutz.” “Describe myself? Short and fat. How’s that?”

My husband and a couple of my children often asked me to stop putting myself down because it bothers them. I tried, very hard, to stop belittling myself. Then, insert dramatic music here, someone very close to me gained weight after giving birth to her second child (Go figure! You gain weight when you have a baby? Who knew?) and she started doing the same thing to herself and it really hurt me.

Whenever she makes a negative comment, she laughs it off, but I remember doing the same thing. I would make fun of myself to prevent anyone else from doing it. It’s sort of an ironic defense mechanism. She is not only creative and fun, she’s truly beautiful. But lately, there isn’t a person on the planet who would be able to convince her of it. So I started praying about how to show her the true value of who she is.

Do you know what happened? No, God didn’t provide a miracle healing of her self-image, He didn’t show me a verse to give to her. What God did was to put a mirror in front of me.

And OUCH! Those lessons are often the hardest to learn. I’ve spent years being self-deprecating, putting myself down, and insulting myself in front of the people who love me most. What does that say to them? I was allowing my opinion of my appearance to affect how I thought others viewed me. It wasn’t until God placed this mirror in front of me that I was truly able to see the damage I have caused. Therefore, I will focus more on what the Bible says and less on how I feel. Feelings can get us in trouble, that’s “leaning on your own understanding”.

I will encourage others to trust scripture over opinion. Read Proverbs 31 about the wife of noble character (yes, impossible to fill her shoes, but I do have a point).

Proverbs 31:10-12 “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

Proverbs 31:25-27a “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household"

Proverbs 31:28 “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her”

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

EPIPHANY! Did you notice it? There is no mention of her physical appearance anywhere in the passage. How we look on the outside is not what makes us beautiful! Our character, the way we treat others, our attitude, our speech, and our faith are what make us, as women, beautiful. The Bible says it and I believe it. Now it's time to start acting like it.

In conclusion: Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Me! CAS, made in the image of God! That makes all the freckles, wrinkles, 200+ pounds and purple hair. Beautiful to the One Who matters most. My Creator!

Wishing you the best of blesses and the least of stresses. God thinks you’re beautiful, and so do I!

Family Time

THAT’S NOT FAIR! As a mom I’ve heard the phrase many times. (I’ve often heard it as a wife, friend and co-worker too.) I have a full-time job, a part-time job, I’m attending college full-time and I have teenagers at home, a husband, grown kids and grandkids. Herein lies my dilemma, aka as the age old question: quality time or quantity time? What is considered “fair”? Is it more important to spend a specific amount of time with the family or more important what I do in the time I do spend? After my own personal experiences and research, I have come up with an answer that surprised me.

NEITHER and BOTH

I know, Earth shattering isn’t it? Sometimes there is no “right” answer. Families, and the family members in them, need different things at different stages. To the sleep-deprived parent walking the floor with a screaming child at 2 am, taking care of the baby’s needs counts as bonding-time. An elementary school-age child needs direction. A teenager wants as much space as parents will allow, but at the same time needs to know they have boundaries. Adult children want their own lives but also want to know “mom” and “dad” are still available. I’ve struggled with being ‘fair’ in the amount of time I spend with my children and grandchildren, being ‘fair’ with the time I give my husband, time I need to devote to school, work, church, friends, etc. I’ve learned something incredibly valuable. Trying to be fair is exhausting!

My youngest, JT a few days old 1996

God, in his infinite wisdom, gave us all the same amount of time. There are 60 seconds in every minute, 60 minutes in every hour, 24 hours in every day, 7 days in every week, etc. I do the best I can with the time he has graced me with. I love my family; they are precious to me in ways I cannot describe. I am so busy and stressed that I sometimes forget that and God reminds me my family is a gift. I will treasure all the time I spend with them: a few minutes of really good conversation or a few hours just sitting together watching a movie. All times are important and I consider ANY time with my family a blessing.

As you can see, my blesses still outweigh my stresses; continued prayers that you will find the same.

Repair It or Replace It?

“The computer is sluggish and not operating properly, shall we get it fixed?” Nope, toss it and buy a new one.  “The hem came out of my skirt, where do I get it repaired?”  Just donate it and buy a new one.  “My car’s engine is making a strange noise and I don’t know what it means.”  Bring it in and we’ll help you replace it, no money down!  -  We live in a “throw away” society; rather than “repair it”  our culture has a “replace it” mentality.  This does not only apply to material possessions (computers, clothes, cars, etc) but in marriages as well.  I do not believe this is what God intended for his beloved children. 

In The Beginning…

 Mark 10:6-9

"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'  'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,  and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

There are rare occasions when divorce is sanctioned by God (i.e. adultery) however that is not usually what destroys a marriage.  It is the little things, the tiny disputes which used to be few and far between, it is the disagreements over the budget, the feeling of having your time controlled and bitterness over differences.  These add up and instead of talking it over, seeking forgiveness or counseling…a lawyer is called.  In a moment, “what God has joined together” is  ripped apart.  I see a world where spouses are taken for granted because they can be replaced and this makes me sad.  This is not the legacy we should leave our children.  I’ve been divorced, I’m a child of divorce but I’ve also seen firsthand God’s redemptive power.  My  father has now been happily remarried for 28 years.  My mother has been happily remarried for 23 years.  Thankfully God does allow second chances, I have also been remarried for 6 stressed but blessed years.  Is it easy, calm, without conflict?  In a word…NO.  But I don’t want a throw-away marriage.  I want something worth working for, someone worth fighting for, someone who believes I’m worth holding onto. Some days I take my husband for granted, but I always want him to feel respected and loved.  Some days I feel taken for granted, but today, I feel cherished.  Today, my wonderful husband sent me the following text and asked me to include it in a blog:

“My wife is the heart of our family, she is the one EVERYONE goes to for answers and advice.  She is the one who devoted her whole holiday weekend to everyone but herself.  From cleaning the kitchen after others made a mess, to doing all the laundry, to helping me with my projects and playing with the grandkids.  And don’t forget, she also makes sure to fill my ‘love tank’ no matter how tired she is.  My wife is one-of-a-kind.”

Yes, I'll take my "blessed but still stressed" life ANY DAY! Praying the same for you.  CAS

Twin Sister

Time away from others isolated and alone

Is something we cannot comprehend;

It's something we’ve never experienced or known.

Tying our shoes, riding bikes and making friends,

Lots of new starts and starting over agains.

Accomplished together first steps and first words we said;

Same as the first day of school and the very first books we read.

Best friends since we’ve been living.

Always close,
A choice wasn’t given.

Arguing - non-existent; disagreeing – rare;

Frequent instead,
Times spent together and memories we share.

Making mistakes and falling down

Part of growing up, learning to stand our ground.

Picking ourselves up was never hard to do,

We leaned on each other ‘til difficulties were through.

I appreciate time by myself and thinking things through

But it’s nice to know I always have access to her point of view.

In a group or solo – it doesn’t matter where we’ve been.

We were never alone,

That place doesn’t exist when you’re a twin.

Fun Stuff!!!

I was nominated for a Liebster award over at By Breenah!


This is a new experience for me and I'm excited (it takes so little to make me happy). You should check out her site; it's all about fun, fashion and family! I should know, she's my daughter!

"The Liebster Award is given to upcoming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The meaning: Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, value, cute, endearing and welcome." - Christen (An Unordinary Hello)

The Rules:
- Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
- Answer the questions that the tagger set for you PLUS create 11 questions for the people you've tagged to answer.
- Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
- Go to their page and tell them. *No tag backs!*

Eleven Things About Me
1. My faith in Jesus Christ is the most important thing to me.
2. I've been out of school for almost 25 years and I've just completed my first quarter in college!
3. I love thunderstorms.
4. My favorite activity is reading.
5. I am a compulsive editor. If you send me an email, a letter, etc...in my head I'm editing it.
6. I have no athletic capabilities whatsoever. Wait! Does walking count as athletic ability?
7. I have a weakness for high heels. Extremely high heels.
8. Someday I would like to get my poems and/or other writings published.
9. I'm terrified of failure.
10. I have 7 siblings.
11. I'm a twin!

Questions Breenah Asked
1. Who's your favorite superhero and why?
Stay-at-home moms because they are AWESOME!

2. What's your favorite color?
Bright purple, bright pink, bright blue (etc); basically jewel tones.

3. Why did you start blogging?
I love writing poetry and I'm often asked for my opinion.

4. What is your favorite non-blogging hobby?
Trivia games, brain teasers

5. If you could choose one decade's fashion to come back into style, which would you choose?
The 1950's! I love poodle skirts, rolled up jeans, etc. Fun.

6. What are you favorite names?
My favorite names are nicknames: Monkee, Pumpkin, Sunshine, Buddy, Bear, etc

7. If you could tell anybody in the world anything right now, who would it be and what would you tell them?
Everybody: There is a God, he does care, he does love you and he wants to introduce you to his Son, Jesus. Whatever you're going through (good or bad), He's there with you.

8. Do you have a big or small family? What do you like and dislike about it?
I have a HUGE family; which is good because I love family and all that it entails. I dislike the juggling act it can sometimes be. (But I wouldn't trade it for anything!)

9. If you had a superlative right now (like they gave in high school), what would it be?
If I understand the question properly (and I'm not sure if I do...) I would say 'most discerning'.

10. What one thing do you spend too much money on each month?
My kids.

11. How do you like your pizza?
Thin crust pepperoni with crushed red pepper!

My Questions for You
1. What's your favorite restaurant?
2. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
3. What do you love most about your mom?
4. Who's the person you respect the most?
5. What is your dream car?
6. What's your favorite coffee-type drink?
7. Five miles under, five miles over, or the exact speed limit?
8. If you could eat as much as you want of one food and never gain weight from it, what would it be?
9. If you could have your dream job, what would it be?
10. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
11. Do you know Jesus Christ? If not, I'm more than happy to talk you about Him.

Tagged Blogs
I don't follow many blogs yet and the ones I do follow generally have over 200 followers. However, I am tagging my nephew at Writer because he writes some pretty amazing stories! Check him out, you might find a new site to follow. Also, Rebekah Jo at Simply Rebekah - trust me, "y'all" will have a fun time if you visit her too! For insight into an abundant life, check out Sadie at Brambles & Honey and you might just learn something!

ALSO - check out the new link on my right sidebar! Shabby Apple has some great stuff and I think you'll really REALLY like them. Take a look and let me know! As always, I'm more blessed than stressed and pray the same for you! CAS

PS: If you've tried to comment before, but couldn't because it required a log in, it's fixed now. But please leave your name or initials if you don't sign in so that I know who you are!

Home -- A Perspective

Flashback 6 years - My new husband and I, along with 4 of the 6 children, were moving into a brand-new house. Not just ‘new to us’ but BRAND NEW! Wood floors, stainless steel appliances, textured walls, recessed lighting, walk-in closets, etc. There wasn’t a scratch, a stain, a mar ANYWHERE and it was beautiful. A short while later we even added a yard (thanks to sod!) and a garden. Fast-forward to today. The wood floors are scuffed and dusty, the carpeting is matted and stained (thanks to a dog who joined the family several years ago). The cabinets are scratched up, the walk-in closets are NOT as big as they appeared when empty. The walls are marked up, scratched and dirty and the yard is dry and dead in some places (thanks to two very hot & dry summers). Keep in mind, the house is not falling apart. There are no broken windows, no doors hanging off of the hinges, no holes in the wall, no busted plumbing. Just normal everyday wear-and-tear. I no longer see a beautiful house, but I see an amazing HOME.

The difference between men and women: My wonderful husband looks around the house and will become upset about the way he perceives people treat the house. “They treat it like a disposable home.” He believes they are being disrespectful to him by not keeping it as pristine as it was when we moved-in. He gets frustrated with me for not following guests (family and friends alike) around to keep them from accidentally or carelessly scratching something. My opinion is the opposite of his. I believe the children (the ones who live with us and the ones who are grown), our grandchildren and our guests actually show they feel welcome in our home because they feel safe enough to be “at home” with us. I’m not raising a house and I don’t want to live in a museum. I’m raising children, I’m entertaining family and friends. Even if I’m alone in the house I look around and see them. The toys left out after the grandkids left. The kitchen where the kids and I make Christmas cookies and the evidence of dishes put away in a hurry. I see the fingerprints all over the sliding glass door that leads to the back deck where my husband makes his family famous ribs. I see the stained carpet and remember the joy the dog brings my husband (which is the ONLY reason we still have the dog). I see a glass coffee table covered with a thick blanket to protect it and the grandkids from each other. Every mark, every scratch, every dent is a memory I wouldn’t trade for anything. It’s all in the perception.

Thank you God for a home, not only for me but for those whose receive shelter there, whether for a moment or for a lifetime. I pray you will bless every scratch, every speck of dust, every fingerprint and every dirty area. I want my home to be a haven for those who enter it.

Proverbs 14:1

 I pray for wisdom to build the HOUSE in a way that honors my husband and pray my husband embraces the HOME that provides a place of refuge for our family.
Today, as always, I pray you will remember blesses outweigh stresses!

It's the Weekend!

Sorry I've been MIA with my outfits, but I am back with another outfit. This time it's weekend wear!

Obviously you don't want anything too fussy so jeans it is! Along with a tee, tennis shoes, and a few accessories you're ready to go! I chose the bright colors and white and brown accessories because I thought they'd look good on my mom and because they look nice and put together while being super simple. Heck, the more I look at this outfit the more I want it!

bracelet $16
t-shirt $25
jeans $37
bag (similar) $16
earrings (similar) $16
bobby pins $10
shoes $33
watch $35
nail polish $8
socks $1

total: $197

So, I went WAY over on this one. In my defense, most people own jeans and I probably wouldn't spend $25 on a tee. Either way, it's a cute outfit :)

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Is the outfit for you or for me? For you I think it's adorable. If it's for me...not so much. I don't wear anything that bares my upper arms (although the color is awesome). The earrings aren't really my style. The jeans are good and if my husband would let me wear a color besides red I would LOVE to try the color nail polish.

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Okay, since I was off on this one I made some changes that she suggested. I think she'll like these.

tee $10

sandals $50

earrings $36

God Answers Prayers

Do you wonder if God answers prayer? I don’t wonder, I know.

Years ago I was a divorced mom. My life consisted of work, church, and my children. I was finally overcoming the pain, low self-esteem, and baggage that come with divorce when I felt God calling me to be married. But dating… Uh, no thanks.

 I told God “I don’t know how to do this. If you want me to be single, please give me that desire, if you want me to be married you’ll have to bring him to me because I’m not looking!” However if God wanted me to be married and if he had someone for me, then I had some requirements. Isn’t that funny? “It’s in Your hands, but…”

Being a protective mama bear I was concerned for my cubs! My prayer request “Heavenly Father, I want a protector, someone willing to defend me and my cubs. Someone hard-working, able to provide for himself, mama and the cubs. He should be generous and serving, aware of the needs of others, giving of his time, talent, money, and/or abilities. Let him be fun. Someone who can relax and enjoy a blessed, but stressed life. A Bible believing, church attending, born-again Christian. A father-figure for my cubs; to encourage, discipline, teach and love them. To hold them accountable and care for them like their mama bear does. I want a partner I can share my secrets, hopes, and dreams with. Someone I will willingly submit to, honor, respect, love and commit myself to ‘until death do us part’. Someone I can disagree with, work out conflict with, and still trust with my heart. God, I want my husband to be bear-y.”

via

Within months of my prayer request, I was introduced to the “bear-y” man I had requested from God and today we are celebrating our 6th anniversary. Guess what? God has a sense of humor! BARRY and I have our ‘good times and bad times’, ‘sickness and health’, ‘happiness and sorrow’, ‘richer and poorer’, but we are more devoted and in love than ever.

Yes, God answers prayer. If you’re struggling with trusting God’s plans for you, I want you to know something. God is good and able to provide for us above and beyond what we ask. I know. I married proof! My Bear is answered prayer! Today, as all days, the blesses outweigh the stresses!

Prayer

I find it easy to pray for others. After speaking to my friends, hearing the concerns of my family, watching the news I pray.

Just recently I prayed for healing as both my father and step-mother had surgery. I pray daily for safety in regards to my son-in-law as his job is not safe and he works outside (in 100°+ heat). I prayed for a friend who has a relative with legal trouble. I prayed for the victims and families of the Aurora, Colorado shooting; I prayed for the shooter too.

Confession time: I have trouble asking for prayer. Why is that? It makes no sense. I know that prayer is a gift and I fully trust that God answers prayer. I will pray for my needs and the needs/wants of my family, so why do I have difficulty asking others to pray for those same wants/needs?

The Bible says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:6-7) There are many scripture verses on prayer; it is evident that prayer is important to God. One of my favorite Bible verses is Matthew 18:20; "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." I’m taking a leap of faith today and requesting prayer from my readers.

My husband and I are doing what we believe is in the best interest of Jesi, my husband’s youngest daughter. We are in mediation before court trying to obtain residential custody. I’m not asking that you pray for us to receive the residential custody we are seeking. I’m not asking for prayer that we “win” custody or have favor with the judge. I only ask that you pray for God’s will to be done and that the counselor, the attorneys, the parents and the courts will follow-through with Jesi’s best interests.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your prayers. I pray for each of you as well.

I remember; I’m still more blessed than stressed!

CAS

Keyword: Accessorize

Hello again :) It's Breenah and I'm back with my response to request number two: a way to spice up a work uniform, but slacks or khakis are required. This could also be applied to school uniforms! (You can see request one here)

My mom's work has polos with her department, not polos from A&F, but I figured it'd work for a stand in :) The key to not looking blah when you have to wear what everybody else is wearing is accessories!

For the shoes, I know my mom would like either of the heels and yes she'd wear them even on a casual day. I'm not sure she'll like the yellow ones (those are more my style), but I'd get her to try them on at least. I like the flats a lot because they're simple, but cuter than your basic ones.

Jewelry (again in gold tones for mi madre) is another great way to stand out. You can put fancier pieces with a casual uniform to make it not feel so blah. Same with nail polish. If you're stuck in a polo and khakis (whether it's for retail or school or an office job) wear some bright or unusual for you polish. Greige was super trendy last year, but I'm still in love with it. I picked the magenta and pink for CAS though :)

Something I don't think I've ever seen my mom do is use a scarf as an accessory. I think these two fit her style perfectly and they're lightweight so they can still be worn in the summer. Except maybe not right now. I don't know about you, but I don't want to wear anything extra when it's 104F outside.

polo $25

khakis $25

yellow shoes $36

teal heels $50

pink/black flats $29

black heels $11

magenta polish $7

greige polish $7
pink polish $7
pink scarf $8
brown scarf $16
earrings $14
bangles $20
cross bracelet (similar) $8
necklace $40

total: $303 (for 14 items!)

Obviously you can't wear this all as one outfit. Nobody has that many feet! My mom already owns polos and khakis and everything is under $50 and most things are under $25, so I don't think I did too bad on pricing. This accessories are probably a little more out there for my mom than the other outfits I picked, but I'm hoping she'll still like it.

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Not sure about the yellow shoes…but the rest is SPOT ON my taste. I might even have to try the scarves! (How’s that for stepping out of my comfort zone?)

Are you sure the heels aren’t too dressy for khakis? I love them, but was afraid of putting my heels with such a casual outfit. How about the next time you’re over, I try a few things on and you help me ‘shop my closet’? :)

Fashion by Breenah

It's busy time for me with school, work and families, so for the next few days I've asked a very special person to be my "guest blogger". I'm learning to take it one day at a time and focus on being more Blessed than Stressed...but I don't want to ignore my blog either. I'm happy to share my blog for a few days and I think you'll be happy with her posts, I'm really looking forward to them!!

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Hello Blessed readers! My name is Breenah and I blog over at By Breenah. My blog is mostly about random happenings with my daughter, but I also do a fashion link up every Friday with Long Distance Loving called Friday's Fancies. You can see my past ones here. My mom sent me a list of five different outfits she wanted me to create for her:

1. Date night with hubby
2. Casual Friday at work (slacks or khakis)
3. Jeans day at work (still professional)
4. Weekend wear
5. Special occasion


She also asked me to try and keep each outfit under $100, which is hard to do when you're on Polyvore! Here is the first outfit I chose for her for a date night with her husband.

This dress is not something my mom would normally choose, but I think she'd look great in it. She prefers to not wear things too short and to have sleeves and this dress is great for coverage while still being sexy (which is kind of weird to say about my mom, haha!). 

Her (and my step-dad) love heels and red nails. The shoes have a 4.5" heel, but my mom's barely over 5' so she could use the height. The red polish is OPI's Not Really a Waitress and I'd call it my mom's signature color and it matches the lipgloss perfectly.

She wears gold jewelry and hoops are her "thing" as well and I think she'd like the bangles. That's also why I chose the clutch and if you've read my blog at all you know why I chose the sunglasses (I'm addicted!).

The drink is just for funsies :D

dress $47

clutch $17

shoes $21

sunglasses $6

polish $7

earrings $5

lipgloss $12

bangles $8

total: $123

Okay, so I went a little over. In my defense, my mom already owns the earrings and the nail polish so it's only slightly over.

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It never ceases to amaze me what a wonderful eye for fashion she has! Yes, definitely my favorite nail color and I love the shoes (I have heels that are higher, so these would be no problem!). I love the dress, but she'd probably have to convince me to try it on. As most women are... I'm my own worst critic, but I don't think she would steer me wrong. All in all, you hit the nail on the head. Great job Sunshine!