Blessed, but Still Stressed

Many times I am asked how I can be both blessed and stressed, and why do I say “still stressed” instead of emphasizing the ‘blessed’ part. As a Christian, should I even admit to being stressed? Well, I am stressed.

I have a full-time job and a part-time job. I am a college student. I am a wife, mom, Nana, sister, friend, and a plethora of other things too. These different definitions of who I am have expectations of me. Laundry, cooking, supervising children, maintaining home schedules, commuting to and from work, doctor appointments, transporting children to activities, occasionally babysitting my grandchildren, working, paying bills, attending church, studying, taking tests, researching, filing, paperwork, and on and on.

There are also things I want to do:  I enjoy reading, playing brain-games (Scrabble, Boggle, trivia, Sudoku  etc), I dream of getting a good night’s sleep, I am trying to get healthier/lose weight, I love watching crime dramas and other shows, I like attending plays or going to the movies, I would like to spend time with my friends, visit family, organize my home, go for walks, and learn new things.

Each of these requires time and effort on my part.  Over the years I have read various blogs, articles, books and magazines on time management and organization.  Guess what?  Like most people, reading a small snippet about it is all the time I can spare.  I do the best I can but often fall short of the goals I have set for myself. 

That isn't what causes me stress.  Trying to decide what should take priority at what time and how urgently they should be done. That’s where the stress comes in. In a given day I will have worked for 8+ hours, studied for school, made dinner, checked on the kids’ homework, read a devotional, prayed, hopefully worked out, made phone calls, balanced a checkbook, paid a few bills, reviewed upcoming plans for the kids, checked on my grand-kids, and a multitude of other things on an ever expanding list.  I get a lot of stuff done, but I often don’t feel like I've accomplished much because I have to do much of it again the next day. 

BUT…

I am amazingly blessed.  First and foremost, I am a child of God.  I am a Christ Follower.  I woke up this morning so I could go to work.  I have jobs that enable me to earn money to help pay bills.  I have a reliable vehicle (which I love!) to get me to and from my jobs.  I am able to attend college and increase my knowledge.  I have a house to shelter me, filled with love it is also my home.  I have indoor plumbing and climate control.  I have a comfortable bed to sleep in and a husband to hold me tight.  I have children who need me and want me around (most of the time).  I have grandchildren to spoil.  I have clothes to wear & I have money in the bank.  I have my parents, siblings and other extended family whom I love.  I have friends.  I have a church home and a wonderful Sunday School class to attend.  I have a gift for writing poetry and a blog that some people actually read!  I have my eyesight (with the assistance of contacts) to see flowers blooming and my grandchildren playing.  I have my hearing so I am able to listen to my children laughing and get lost in the sound of music.  I can smell the rain and freshly baked bread.  I am able to taste fresh coffee and enjoy a homemade meal.  I can feel my husband’s arms wrapped around me in a loving embrace.

When I say I am amazingly blessed, it is an understatement.  I do not take my life for granted.  I do not take being a redeemed, forgiven sinner lightly.  I am in awe of what our God can do in the life of a woman who has fallen more times than she can count.  I do not pick myself back up, but by reaching up to the loving arms of my Savior I am pulled up every time.

SO…

How can I be both blessed and stressed?  Easy.  I am a fallen, sinful human (stressed) saved by grace and love (blessed).  Why is my title “Blessed but Still Stressed” instead of “Stressed but Still Blessed”?  Because my blessings always come first.  That is what I want to focus on, my blessings are what strengthen me to get through the stresses.

Today, may God bless you, encourage you and lift you back up no matter how many times you've fallen.  If you’re stressed, remember, in many ways you are also blessed.

Say What?!

Have you ever had that feeling? You know. The one that MUST BE from God because you feel it SO strongly.  For me, that feeling is the role of stay-at-home mom.

I’m not talking “wouldn’t it be nice” or “if it’s possible, I want to…”.  No, I was SURE deep inside that I was meant to be a stay-at-home wife and mother.  Yep, my role models were Donna Reed, Jane Wyatt and Barbara Billingsley.  (Yes, some of you youngsters will have to Google those names.)

Picture it: shirt dress, pearls, low heels, perfectly applied makeup, spotless home and a happy husband. I wanted to keep a clean home, have freshly baked cookies waiting for the kids when they returned from school, help with homework, spend quality time with them and teach them life lessons as well as always having dinner ready when my husband walked in the door. (Yes, I am laughing now.)

My yearning to be a housewife, domestic diva, matriarch of the mansion, etc has been with me for as long as I can remember. Although I started working full-time the day after I graduated high school, I was able to live part of my dream for a few short years right before my middle child was born until 3 years later when my youngest was 10 months old. The spotless home never happened. The shirt dress, heels and pearls? Uh, no. But you get the picture. Then, shortly after my third child was born, my husband left, so I did not have a choice but to start working again. Over the years, that feeling has never gone away; if anything it has only intensified. I kept thinking I would again be a stay-at-home mom, someday.  I just needed to wait for God’s perfect timing. Over 6 years ago I remarried, and I remember thinking it would happen then; after all, someone else could provide for my children and I.

Is it not funny how we replace God’s will in our lives with what WE want in our lives? I wanted this so much, I was certain it was God’s desire for me as well. In general, I am pretty discerning. Except, it seems, when it deals directly with me. Others? Definitely. Probably because I am a third party and not directly vested. However, when it comes to myself… Not so much.

Earlier this year I decided it was time for a heart-to-heart talk with God. Not just ‘prayer time’, this was going to be a serious conversation. I wanted answers. . It went something like this:

Me: Lord, um, I think you forgot something.
Lord: Really? What?
Me: Hello? Me. I am still working. Not just a little, I have a full-time and a part-time job. I can’t get much further ahead at work since I do not have a college degree. I think maybe this is a sign to go ahead with the plans.
Lord: A sign? What sign? Plans?
Me: laughing Yes, remember? More than half a lifetime ago, You put a desire in my heart tobe a stay-at-home mom. I’ve waited and I’ve trusted you. Now it’s Your turn.  So… Go ahead.
Lord: My turn?
Me: confused, not laughing anymore  Um, yes? Please?
Lord: My child, listen to Me. You accepted Me decades ago, including My will for you. I have been with you every step of the way, even those times you turned away and thought I left. If being a stay-at-home wife/mom had been My plan for you, it would have happened. Look at your life: your children are almost all grown up, you have grandchildren now.  laughing You spend more money than your husband can afford, but that is ok, it is one of the reasons you work too. I have other plans for your life. Plans like finally attending college and the blog you write to share My work in your life.
Me: But… I thought… I felt…. Are you sure?
Lord: My precious, precious daughter. As you have trusted Me with the things in your life; your husband, your children, your home, your friends – trust Me also with your life. I promise you, I know what I am doing.

It was not the conversation I had envisioned. Not even a little. It did not go at all as I had planned. I felt bitter towards God for a while, a long while.  Then I forgave. Not God, nothing to forgive, (He is God after all) but I forgave myself. It was necessary for me to let go of the fact I had been putting my hopes, dreams and desires in place of God’s will. If I had actually asked God, I’m sure He would have let me know earlier! Instead, I took what I felt to be from God because of how strongly I felt them. Feelings are no replacement for seeking Him. I may not be living the life I intended, but I am living the life God intends. That alone makes my stressed life, my blessed life.

Blessings to you.

This Man’s Worth

 

How do you list the value of this man?

I have a ‘way with words’, but I don’t think I can.

A smile sweet with genuine concern,

An eager spirit, always willing to learn.

Encouragement he offers to every friend,

Loyal & supportive – to the very end.

Devotion to God and true love for his wife,

Faith, family & work – a truly balanced life.

So caring, generous & helpful – it’s true.

But never a boastful word…he’s humble too.

Working through the weeks, days & hours

Thousands of trees, bushes & flowers

Playgrounds installed and parks well tended,

Walking paths created & courts now mended.

Projects well started are now complete

A busy “to-do list”- becomes a blank sheet.

Years gone by – January thru December

Now just thoughts to ponder, and remember.

Enjoying the work that was done

Meant having a job that was more like “fun”.

A duty once demanding became a labor of love,

To the citizens of Wichita & the Heavenly Father above.

With all the love for my brother in Christ, Tim Martz.
Colleen A. Shirley (aka CAS) September 17, 2010

True Humility vs False Modesty

It has been my pleasure to be acquainted with a few people in my life who know what true humility is.

If you’ve ever met Tim, you know what I’m talking about.  Tim was my boss several years ago.  By just being around him you knew he was a loving husband, a doting father/grandfather, a dedicated, hard working leader as well as a great supervisor and now my forever brother-in-Christ.  His daily attitude spoke volumes about his character.  He never had to tell you his beliefs, everything he did or said was based on his faith in Christ.  I learned a lot about servant leadership by simply observing how he related to others.  To this day, he’ll tell you he should have worked harder, he could have done better, etc – and there is no false modesty there, he honestly doesn’t know the impact he has on others.

Also, if you’ve met Brian, you know what I mean.  Brian is my step-son; smart as a whip, kind, considerate, fun…and a walking advertisement for Christ.  I’ve never heard him say one negative or disparaging thing about someone else. (I’m not saying he’s never done it, just that I’ve never heard him do it.)  There is something very “genuine” about Brian.   He lives for and loves Christ.  He doesn’t hide his faith and he’s willing to talk to anyone about it at anytime.  When he talks to you or does something for you, there’s nothing ‘false’.

 

On the other hand:

                 

I’ve witnessed my fair share of false modesty (I’m even guilty of it).

You know?  Those times when we make excuses or belittle a compliment instead of simply saying “thank you”.

-          Nice poem, I liked it.                    “Nothing special, anybody can do it.”

-          Great job on the report!                 “I put some data together, no big deal, it only took 3 days.”

-          Dinner was yummy!                      “It’s a new recipe, I’m sure I can do better.”

-          Thanks for babysitting!                  “It was nothing.”

I’d like to say I do this when I’m trying not to be vain, but in honesty I do it so I will hear “Yes it is a big deal” or “No, really, thanks so much”.  I stress a bit (OK, a lot) on what others think of me & tend to rely a bit too much on the accolades of others.  I always cringe inside when I catch myself doing this. I recently realized something; if God gives me an ability to share, a gift to use or time to benefit others and I downplay it, then I’m doing Him a disservice.  He deserves acknowledgement for anything and everything I’m capable of.  Just like the examples of Tim & Brian above.  I’ve been working on this and trying to do better by simply accepting a comment or compliment: 

-          Your poem was great, it really spoke to me.  “Thank you so much, I really felt the Holy Spirit moving me to write it.”

Still Stressed but mostly Blessed,

CAS